Artie Lange Quotes & Sayings

“All I can say is that you only realize how big your mountain is once you're laying motionless, helpless, and hopeless in the valley below. No one goes there on purpose, if you get what I'm saying, because the only way to find your personal low is to slip and roll down that mountain of yours, straight through to the bottom, no holds barred.”

“Whiskey will always be a part of my life.”

“A weekend in Vegas without gambling and drinking is just like being a born-again Christian.”

“You know you have a gambling problem when it's 4 A.M. at the Mirage Sports Book and you're walking around going, 'Hey you get the lacrosse scores?'”

“When political correctness first started coming around, it ruined Andrew Dice Clay and Eddie Murphy's stand-up career. Sam Kinison died at just the right time, 'cause no one was going to tolerate what he was saying anymore either.”

“The point of drinking in moderation is that sometimes you don't drink in moderation.”

“My dad was Superman to me, and in my mind he always will be.”

“Comedians, we're just people who whine. But we happen to be funny when we whine.”

“Eddie Murphy said once in an interview that nothing is offensive if it's funny. I sort of agree with that, but if something's funny and you're the subject of it, sometimes it's more offensive. If someone's insulting you, you want them to sound like an idiot.”

“Have you ever Googled yourself? I did, most depressing thing ever. People have websites hoping I die at 38.”