Dave Attell Quotes & Sayings

“Yeah, I know, some people are against drunk driving, and I call those people 'the cops.' But you know, sometimes, you've just got no choice; those kids gotta get to school!”

“I feel like soundtrack music is almost like seeing the movie again, but with my ears.”

“You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're exactly alike.”

“What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin.”

“I have an imagination because my life is so boring that my imagination lets me get off the reality of what's going on.”

“Doesn't matter what you say or do; people can always find a way to call you a dick.”

“I don't watch reality TV.”

“My day jobs... I knew I was bad at those, so I didn't really have the confidence to think that I could do comedy. But I knew I hated the day jobs.”

“For a long time the people at my shows were sort of the Pantera-tattoo trucker guys, really cool dudes, but I don't know what happened to them. That's the crowd that I like, the ones that don't get so offended just to be offended.”

“I keep getting these people at my shows who only know me from television. I can always tell when they're, like, emotionally flinching when I start doing my jokes.”