David Sedaris Quotes & Sayings

“It's odd the things that people remember. Parents will arrange a birthday party, certain it will stick in your mind forever. You'll have a nice time, then two years later you'll be like, 'There was a pony there? Really? And a clown with one leg?'”

“I go to the movies at least five times a week, and after a while everything becomes a blur to me.”

“As a foreigner in London, I like that there are so many other foreigners.”

“But I don't distinguish between being laughed with, and laughed at. I'll take either.”

“I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out.”

“After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I discovered both crystal methamphetamine and conceptual art. Either one of these things are dangerous, but in combination they have the potential to destroy entire civilizations.”

“What other people call dark and despairing, I call funny.”

“Sometimes with 'The New Yorker,' they have grammar rules that just don't feel right in my mouth.”

“I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter opener. I guess I'll have to kill a deer.”

“I've been keeping a diary for thirty-three years and write in it every morning. Most of it's just whining, but every so often there'll be something I can use later: a joke, a description, a quote. It's an invaluable aid when it comes to winning arguments. 'That's not what you said on February 3, 1996,' I'll say to someone.”