Dylan Moran Quotes & Sayings

“You can't please everyone, nor should you seek to, because then you won't please anyone, least of all yourself.”

“I draw hundreds and hundreds of pictures of sort of gnarly looking men, so I don't know what that tells you. People who look like... they're waiting for a sandwich that's never going to come. I don't know what's wrong with me.”

“People will kill you over time, and how they'll kill you is with tiny, harmless phrases, like 'be realistic.'”

“I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me.”

“You have to assume that you're talking to the most intelligent, tuned-in audience you could ever get. That's the way you're going to get the best out of people. Whether they know you or not shouldn't matter for comedy. They should get to know you pretty quickly. and they should be having a good time pretty quickly.”

“Maybe this is just me, but as time goes by, I'm more bewildered by modernity. It gets more unfathomable with every passing year.”

“I think that women just have a primeval instinct to make soup, which they will try to foist on anybody who looks like a likely candidate.”

“Stand-up came naturally to me because people in Ireland talk. But that's not talking on panel shows; it is structured fun. It reminds me of some tragic aunt clapping her hands and bouncing into a room and announcing we should all play games... and if we don't we are all a rotten spoilsport.”

“I'm very drawn to Eastern Europe, so I like a Hungarian writer who wrote in French called Emil Cioran; he was always good for giving me such a stir.”

“I don't watch a whole lot of stand up. Mainly I prefer to read writers; they make me laugh the most. Something gets you when you're alone and someone's voice is coming through their work. There's a different quality to it that stays with you a bit more.”