Erma Bombeck Quotes & Sayings

“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.”

“There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.”

“When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.”

“For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.”

“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”

“Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.”

“It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.”

“Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, 'A house guest,' you're wrong because I have just described my kids.”

“Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.”

“The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.”