Jack Benny Quotes & Sayings

“I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.”

“Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.”

“My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.”

“Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.”

“If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.”

“Modesty is my best quality.”

“It's not so much knowing when to speak, when to pause.”

“Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.”

“I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too.”

“Gags die, humor doesn't.”