Jay Leno Quotes & Sayings

“Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?”

“You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.”

“The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.”

“The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.”

“The University of Nebraska says that elderly people that drink beer or wine at least four times a week have the highest bone density. They need it - they're the ones falling down the most.”

“If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.”

“Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.”

“CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.”

“I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'”

“Now, today is the day we honor, of course, the Presidents, ranging from George Washington, who couldn't tell a lie, to George Bush, who couldn't tell the truth, to Bill Clinton, who couldn't tell the difference.”