Jimmy Carr Quotes & Sayings

“I don't think it's any coincidence that I lost my religious faith and 'manned up' in the same year. I was described somewhere as a lapsed Catholic, which is funny because I'm not going back! I want to achieve things rather than live life in an animalistic way.”

“Like most of the world's population I'm into coffee, but in a properly big and important way. My perfect weekend would start with a pint of coffee.”

“After a gig I always head back to the hotel, remembering granny's words of wisdom. I cancel the late-night pizza and watch the Jonathan Ross show instead.”

“The first few weeks of joining Weight Watchers, you're just finding your feet.”

“I was in love with the idea of being in love with a woman way before I was actually in love with one.”

“The tragedy for comedians is there's nothing more they want than to be liked. We desperately seek approval. It's almost like a personality disorder you can do as a job.”

“You go, well you can't joke about race. Well if you're from a different race and that's your experience of the world and you want to talk about that, then fine. Or you can't talk about disability, but disabled comics can talk about that.”

“I like to write a joke without any fat on it. The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.”

“As soon as I did my first five minutes of stand-up I knew that I would rather be a failure at comedy than a success in marketing.”

“I go around the country and do a simple gag like, 'The property ladder is now a snake' and get a real laugh.”