Paula Poundstone Quotes & Sayings

“The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling.”

“The problem with cats is that they get the exact same look on their face whether they see a moth or an axe-murderer.”

“I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.”

“Adults are always asking kids what they want to be when they grow up because they are looking for ideas.”

“I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings.”

“I don't need a holiday or a feast to feel grateful for my children, the sun, the moon, the roof over my head, music, and laughter, but I like to take this time to take the path of thanks less traveled.”

“When we save the rain forest, the polar bear, and Al Gore, we should party so hard that Canada calls the cops on us for noise.”

“My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim.'”

“When every high school graduate can spell the word, 'inauguration,' let's put lampshades on our heads and listen to his speeches until Obama's voice gives out.”

“I'm thankful that my memory is good because my vision is going.”