Tim Allen Quotes & Sayings

“Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.”

“Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.”

“Dad needs to show an incredible amount of respect and humor and friendship toward his mate so the kids understand their parents are sexy, they're fun, they do things together, they're best friends. Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they're going to respect Mom.”

“Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.”

“My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.”

“The world's a mean place. It's unfair, then it's fair. It's hateful, then it's loving. It's a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.”

“You don't know what people are really like until they're under a lot of stress.”

“Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison.”

“I was gone so much in my first marriage. I love the moments when I engage with my youngest daughter now. It's not my thing to sit on the ground and play tea party, but I'll do it because it's a moment that will stick with me forever.”

“I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.”