“I remember watching Regis and Kathie Lee interview celebrities, and my mom looked so happy. I just did the math. I wanted to make my mom happy, and I wanted to talk to celebrities. Basically, I wanted Kathie Lee's job!”
“I take a lot of pride in managing to be funny without having a victim at the end of my joke. I laugh at a really dark joke as much as the next person, but my jokes, I feel, don't have to hurt anybody to be really funny.”
“I've met Oprah Winfrey twice, but I want to spend some quality time with her. I want to sit her down and talk at her for a minute about what she means to me and why she means that. Then I have some advice for her, too... I have an idea or two.”
“If the powers that be really knew how much time I spent thinking about and researching celebrities, they probably wouldn't let me anywhere near the red carpet. But, please promise not to tell them. I'm harmless, I swear.”
“My DVR, like, sees inside my soul, and inside my soul is a 65-year-old retired woman. So there's Food Network, HGTV and 'Golden Girls' reruns. And 'Roseanne.'”
“There are so many funny people and so many talented people, but the one thing nobody else has is my take on the world. So, when I'm developing my show, that's going to be the focus.”
“There were times I was told, 'You are too gay.' I turned down a lot of things because producers said they wanted me to be different. I said, 'It's not going to happen.'”
“When I was growing up I didn't know what it meant to be a happy, successful grown-up gay person, and now I do. I feel like I'm setting an example for people everywhere.”
“You're in front of an audience and thinking off the top of your head - you're going to say things that offend people sometimes. Sometimes I'll be driving home, and I'll be like, 'Oh, crap, I shouldn't have said that.'”