Jim Gaffigan Quotes & Sayings (Page 2)

“I always imagine that if I met Dr. Seuss, he would be very similar to Crispin Glover.”

“Manhattan's probably one of the bluest parts in the country, and Indiana's definitely one of the redder states. I have sympathy for both sides.”

“When people look and decide they have nothing in common with me - I'm 43, balding, blond, whatever - there's something absolutely invigorating about winning them over. Even if it's eight people from Sweden who don't understand what I'm talking about.”

“I just want to be known as funny.”

“I try to only eat animals that are vegan. I'm probably the opposite of a vegan.”

“I'm a big eater. I mean, a lot of my stand-up is about food, and you write about what you know, and that's the only thing I know. I don't know anything else.”

“All I want to do is be a good dad, but I'm pretty bad at it.”

“Comedians kind of write what comes to them. You can give yourself little assignments, but it's what inspires you.”

“I initially signed up for Twitter just to do jokes I wasn't going to do in my stand-up routine.”

“I'm a comedian, which is the opposite of a lifestyle that equips you to be a parent.”