“I just like doing standup, that's all I'm interested in or good at.”
“I would love to stay at SNL forever. But you can't stay in the same place. People think you're a loser.”
“I don't know anything about politics. Like, zero. Nothing.”
“I love writing - it's the best. But I really hate collaboration.”
“If you're watching a comedian on television and he's making a political point, I would say he's gotten too serious.”
“Whenever I do theaters, I don't like 'em. I don't think they're right for stand-up.”
“Compared to politics, I think sports is funnier, because it's inconsequential. And politics can be real important and all that. The more pointless something is, the funnier it is, you know?”
“With the computer and stuff, the difference between a rich guy and a poor guy, to me, is nothing. Because I don't like big houses, I don't drive a car, so you know, I just live in a small apartment and I have my computer, which is really cool.”
“I don't like sports where it's like, you watch a guy on a motorcycle flip or something, then another guy does it, it looks exactly the same, and then at the end one guy gets higher points! It seems so arbitrary; I don't know who's ahead ever.”
“I don't really like doing big stand-up. Whenever I do theaters, I don't like 'em. I don't think they're right for stand-up. I've seen people in theaters, and it just doesn't work, because you're talking to the guy next to you the whole time.”