“When I was a kid, 'Land of the Lost' was my favorite show, just because it was - in the landscape of Saturday morning cartoons - it was so unique. It was a live-action show and kids were in it, these creatures, these Sleestaks and dinosaurs. Every week was a different adventure. I couldn't wait. I loved it so much.”
“I've never been a conceited person or cocky, never felt boastful, but I always had a sense of self-worth; I always had a real sense of myself.”
“When I was ten, I wrote an essay on what I would be when I grew up and said I would be a professional soccer player and a comedian in off season.”
“If you are going to wrestle a bear, try to stay away from all fish oil products, you know. I mean it's tough for me, because I love to rub myself with salmon oil every day - it's a great conditioner for the hair, skin.”
“I have only been funny about seventy four per cent of the time. Yes I think that is right. Seventy-four per cent of the time.”
“I've got no dark secrets, I wasn't beaten up, my parents were kind to me and there was a low crime rate where we lived. Maybe that's where the comedy comes from, as some sort of reaction to the safe, boring suburbs.”
“I always just forced myself to do crazy things in public. In college I would push an overhead projector across campus with my pants just low enough to show my butt. Then my friend would incite the crowd to be like, 'Look at that idiot!' That's how I got over being shy.”
“Inappropriate behavior makes me laugh.”
“Aren't we all striving to be overpaid for what we do?”
“I was never a class clown or anything like that, but I do remember being in the first grade and my teacher, Mr. Chad, told the class one day that we were going to do some exercises. He meant math exercises, but I stood up and started doing jumping jacks. To this day, I don't know what possessed me to do that, but all my friends cracked up.”