David Letterman Quotes & Sayings (Page 2)

“People say New Yorkers can't get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine.”

“Don't forget it's daylight savings time. You spring forward, then you fall back. It's like Robert Downey Jr. getting out of bed.”

“Wherever we've travelled in this great land of ours, we've found that people everywhere are about 90% water.”

“Congratulations are in order for Woody Allen - he and Soon Yi have a brand new baby daughter. It's all part of Woody's plan to grow his own wives.”

“Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.”

“I have found that the only thing that does bring you happiness is doing something good for somebody who is incapable of doing it for themselves.”

“Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.”

“Dick Cheney said he was running again. He said his health was fine, 'I've got a doctor with me 24 hours a day.' Yeah, that's always the sign of a man in good health, isn't it?”

“We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is working very hard. He has sent a letter of apology to the Chinese. And, he's also given them a gift certificate for future nuclear secrets.”

“The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know, some of these jokes just write themselves.”