Jay Leno Quotes & Sayings (Page 2)

“Major league baseball has asked its players to stop tossing baseballs into the stands during games, because they say fans fight over them and they get hurt. In fact, the Florida Marlins said that's why they never hit any home runs. It's a safety issue.”

“Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!”

“I think high self-esteem is overrated. A little low self-esteem is actually quite good. Maybe you're not the best, so you should work a little harder.”

“More coming out about Saddam Hussein. We now know he takes Viagra and he has as many as six mistresses. No wonder Congress is reluctant to take action against this guy - he's one of their own.”

“For the first time ever, overweight people outnumber average people in America. Doesn't that make overweight the average then? Last month you were fat, now you're average - hey, let's get a pizza!”

“If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology.”

“The Washington Bullets are changing their name. They don't want their team to be associated with crime. From now on, they'll just be known as the Bullets.”

“Politics is just show business for ugly people.”

“If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.”

“I didn't realize it was October until I saw the Chicago Cubs choking.”