“I think a bird is the worst present you can give somebody because it's guilt-ridden. This animal has the gift of flight, and you put it in a cage and watch it not do that until it dies.”
“Every year, dads will dress up as Santa and try to surprise their kids by coming down the chimney, and every year, a dad gets stuck and dies.”
“I was bored at college, so I put $10 in a jukebox in this place where people played ping-pong and pool. I put in $10 of 'Jingle Bell Rock,' and this was back in the '90s, so it played 'Jingle Bell Rock,' like, 40 times in a row. It was just really fun to watch because after the fourth time, people were just losing-their-minds angry.”
“A pope going through a faith crisis would be funny to see.”
“I like to edit; I like to work with other people, and that's something stand-up doesn't really have.”
“I think comedians start off as pranksters or something.”
“My big influences are piano artists like Billy Joel and Elton John.”
“Very specifically, Nickelodeon is aimed at eight- and nine-year-olds.”
“I just always wrote songs as a side hobby. So it was sort of a natural thing to write comedy songs. But when I started writing songs, I wrote very serious songs. Or things that a 13-14 year-old would think are very serious issues.”
“I love doing different things where, for a little while, I can focus on standup then sketch writing, then performing, then directing a video. That, to me, is stimulating.”