Ronnie Barker Quotes & Sayings

“We had hoped to have been bringing you Arthur the Human Chameleon, but this afternoon, he crawled across a tartan rug and died of exhaustion.”

“The marvelous thing about a joke with a double meaning is that it can only mean one thing.”

“The toilets at a local police station have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on.”

“In a packed programme tonight, we will be talking to an out-of-work contortionist who says he can no longer make ends meet.”

“Next week we'll be investigating rumours that the president of the dairy council has become a Mason, and goes around giving his colleagues the 'secret milkshake.'”

“Don't just crit their siticising.”

“It's better to make people laugh than cry.”

“I suppose I would like to be remembered as one of the funniest men that people have seen on television.”

“But first, the news: The House of Commons was sealed off today after police chased an escaped lunatic through the front door during Prime Minister's question time. A spokesman at Scotland Yard said it was like looking for a needle in a haystack.”

“To get a job where the only thing you have to do in your career is to make people laugh-well, it's the best job in the world.”