Dennis Miller Quotes & Sayings (Page 2)

“The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. The plan called for a million Mexicans to marry a million of our ugliest citizens.”

“It's ironic that in our culture everyone's biggest complaint is about not having enough time; yet nothing terrifies us more than the thought of eternity.”

“Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that you're having too good a time.”

“Elected office holds more perks than Elvis' nightstand.”

“Most Americans will let liberals and conservatives play their games because most Americans don't pay attention.”

“If Clinton had only attacked terrorism as much as he attacks George Bush we wouldn't be in this problem.”

“Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what's more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?”

“Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highways.”

“Human beings are human beings. They say what they want, don't they? They used to say it across the fence while they were hanging wash. Now they just say it on the Internet.”

“What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps us from fully enjoying the show. Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy.”