Groucho Marx Quotes & Sayings (Page 3)

“I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.”

“A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.”

“Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.”

“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.”

“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.”

“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.”

“Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”

“Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.”

“I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.”

“A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”