Tim Vine Quotes & Sayings (Page 2)

“Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me 'Mr Vine, get out of the filing cabinet.”

“I went out on a date with Simile. I don't know what I metaphor.”

“I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.”

“Velcro: what a rip-off.”

“I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy.”

“So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'”

“So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'”

“I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.”

“You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.”

“So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me 'Can you give me a lift?' I said 'Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'”