Demetri Martin Quotes & Sayings (Page 3)
Demetri Martin quotes and sayings page 3 (51 year old comedian). Here's quote # 21 through 30 out of the 88 we have for him.
“I keep a lighter in my back pocket all the time. I'm not a smoker, I just really like certain songs.”
“If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.”
“I like fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone a piece of fruit without appearing insane. Like, if someone just mailed you an apple you'd be like, 'huh? What the hell is this?' But if it's in a fruit basket you're like, 'this is nice!'”
“I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.”
“A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.”
“People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy.”
“I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it.”
“If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half.”
“Another term for balloon is bad breath holder.”
“The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door.”
Demetri Martin Quotes Rating
No Ratings Yet