“I had one girl send me an e-mail saying she wants to go out with me, but it's like a two-pronged deal because she wants to blog the date. And I'm like, No! I don't want to be on a reality show.”
“I need to get a wife. But it's hard, you know, it's hard to find a girl you can trust. Some of these girls, they want to go out with you so they can blog about you.”
“I started doing my own animated movies when I was in ninth grade; that's when I got the filmmaking bug. When I was about 16, I started writing jokes for doing stand up, and then I was 19 and started doing stand up.”
“I think some people's comedy IQ's aren't as high as other people's, so they don't really know what's going on. Or they think they know what's going on, but they don't really.”
“I watch a movie or a T.V. show or whatever; if it's good, I like to watch it more than once, and it's always fun to catch something you didn't see initially.”
“I'm a massive Steven Seagal fan. I know his movies are horrible, but I've watched all of them over and over again. I'd want to do a movie with him and Van Damme.”
“I've been doing stand-up just about every night since I started in 1989. It's my home base. But I'm into doing comedy in all mediums, platforms and situations.”
“I've been driving in the city for years because, as a stand-up in N.Y.C., you can perform at more comedy clubs a night if you have a car. Getting from club to club by subway is too slow at night and too expensive by cab. So, many comics live far out from Manhattan and drive in every night.”
“I've done all kinds of movies, but I wanna do some more independent films that are not your run-of-the-mill type movies like 'American Splendor', which I had a big part in, that are really trying to do something unique.”
“Let's say there was a fat guy heckling me. I would rip him to shreds, but I would never go for the obvious, never talk about how he's fat or anything.”