Mitch Hedberg Quotes & Sayings (Page 4)
Mitch Hedberg quotes and sayings page 4 (deceased comedian born on Feb 24, 1968). Here's quote # 31 through 40 out of the 59 we have for him.
“People teach their dogs to sit; it's a trick. I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.”
“I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once.”
“I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.”
“This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... it's dirty.”
“I like Kit-Kat, unless I'm with four or more people.”
“Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.”
“A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.”
“I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life.”
“My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set.”
“Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'”
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