Mitch Hedberg Quotes & Sayings

59 most famous Mitch Hedberg quotes and sayings. These are the first 10 quotes we have for him. He was an American comedian who passed away on 29 March, 2005.

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“My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.”

“I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.”

“My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?”

“I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.”

“An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.”

“Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?”

“Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.”

“The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.”

“I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.”

“Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.”

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