Emo Philips Quotes & Sayings (Page 3)

“I got some new underwear the other day. Well, new to me.”

“I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes.”

“I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.”

“Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something.”

“I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them.”

“I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.”

“I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.”

“Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist.”

“I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'”

“I'm a great lover, I'll bet.”