Erma Bombeck Quotes & Sayings (Page 6)

“If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.”

“When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.”

“Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.”

“Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.”

“Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.”

“No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.”

“Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.”

“Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.”

“Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?”

“All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.”