Jerry Seinfeld Quotes & Sayings (Page 2)

“Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.”

“Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.”

“People who read the tabloids deserve to be lied to.”

“For me, it's a purity thing about the joke itself. It's a test of a joke whether or not you do it completely clean and it works. If it does, then that's a legitimate item you have there. For me, it's nothing to do with finding those words offensive. It's just not what I'm in search of. Do it clean, and you are really earning that laugh.”

“Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us.”

“The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!”

“Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.”

“A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking.”

“Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.”

“My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.”