Steven Wright Quotes & Sayings (Page 5)

“A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.”

“Be nice to your children. After all, they are going to choose your nursing home.”

“I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.”

“When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.”

“I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.”

“I like to reminisce with people I don't know.”

“I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.”

“I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.”

“Comedians are sociologists. We're pointing out stuff that the general public doesn't even stop to think about, looking at life in slow-motion and questioning everything we see.”

“I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.”