Steven Wright Quotes & Sayings (Page 6)

“If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.”

“I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.”

“Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.”

“I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.' He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.'”

“They say the universe is expanding. That should help with the traffic.”

“Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.”

“If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?”

“Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.”

“I got this powdered water - now I don't know what to add.”

“I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.”