Steven Wright Quotes & Sayings (Page 8)

“I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.”

“I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage.”

“Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?”

“There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.”

“I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.”

“Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.”

“I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'”

“I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specifically.”

“I was always making my friends laugh, but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.”

“I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he did with talking about everyday things.”