Steven Wright Quotes & Sayings (Page 3)

“Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.”

“I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'”

“Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.”

“The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.”

“I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.”

“I'm addicted to placebos.”

“I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.”

“If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.”

“My favorite book is anything by Kurt Vonnegut - he's my literary hero. I got to meet him several times, which was a great thrill for me. I don't really remember what we talked about.”

“When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.”